What’s 2,800 miles between associates? On Sunday evening on the Golden Globes, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey managed to convey their signature chemistry and cheeky model of comedy whereas deftly internet hosting from reverse ends of the nation: Fey on the Rainbow Room in Rockefeller Middle in New York, and Poehler on the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills. The rooms weren’t utterly empty: first responders sat at tables, masked and socially distant.

A intelligent split-screen and a few crafty video work made the printed seem like they had been aspect by aspect, together with a second the place Fey appeared to stroke Poehler’s hair. “The know-how is so nice, you might be by no means going to have the ability to inform the distinction,” Poehler stated. Right here’s their trade kicking off the ceremony. It has been calmly edited.

Fey: Whats up. Oh, good night world. I’m Tina Fey coming to you from the gorgeous Rainbow Room in New York Metropolis, the place indoor eating and outside muggings are again.

Poehler: Sure, and I’m Amy Poehler, right here on the Beverly Hilton, District 7, New Angeles, and that is the 78th annual Starvation Video games —

Fey: Golden Globes.

Poehler: Golden Globes. Now, Tina and I are internet hosting from two completely different cities tonight, however the know-how is so nice, you might be by no means going to have the ability to inform the distinction. It’s going to be easy crusing.

Fey: You received’t even discover. Oh, I’ve missed you, my love. I at all times knew my profession would finish with me wandering across the Rainbow Room, pretending to speak to Amy. I simply thought it will be later. However what an thrilling evening. The entire large blockbuster motion pictures that got here out of this 12 months are nominated: “Elements of a Girl,” “Irish Goodnight,” “Mauricio’s Delve.”

Poehler: “Day Planner,” “Gronk,” “Ali G Goes to Chicago.”

Fey: And we can be honoring the entire implausible TV exhibits you binge watched this 12 months: the American “Workplace,” previous “Columbos,” very one-sided information packages.

Poehler: The Zoom city halls about your college staying closed, and naturally, the cranberry juice skateboard man. He’s going to skateboard to the entire nominated songs tonight. How thrilling.

Fey: Now, usually, this room is stuffed with celebrities, however tonight, our viewers on each coasts is made up of smoking sizzling first responders and important staff. How attractive. We’re so grateful for the work that you simply do and that you simply’re right here in order that the celebrities can keep safely at house.

Poehler: Sure, thanks a lot. Now, we all know that you’ve seen a whole lot of loopy stuff at your job this 12 months. However you haven’t seen the form of stuff that we’ve seen at earlier Golden Globes. This entrance desk proper right here often homes the most important stars on this planet.

Fey: It’s often like Meryl Streep, simply hammered, can’t even keep in mind what film she’s there for.

Poehler: Brad Pitt’s at all times waving at me like: Amy, Amy. And I’m like, dude, I’m working. It’s like, not now.

Fey: And Oprah Winfrey simply writing her identify everywhere in the tablecloth in pen.

Poehler: Quentin Tarantino crawling beneath the tables, simply touching individuals’s ft. The purpose is, do no matter you need, as a result of they do.

Fey: These bitches are messy.

Poehler: Yeah, they’re messy. OK, so because you guys aren’t often right here, allow us to clarify what this even is. The Golden Globes are awards given out by the Hollywood Overseas Press Affiliation.

Fey: The Hollywood Overseas Press Affiliation is made up of round 90 worldwide — no Black — journalists, who attend film junkets every year searching for a greater life. We are saying round 90 as a result of a few them may be ghosts, and it’s rumored that the German member is only a sausage that any person drew slightly face on.

Poehler: On the Golden Globes we give out awards for motion pictures and TV, however I imply it’s arduous to inform them aside this 12 months as a result of film theaters had been closed and we watched every part on our telephones.

Fey: So it’s possible you’ll be confused which nominees depend as motion pictures and that are thought-about TV.

Poehler: Now TV is the one which I watch 5 hours straight, however a film is the one which I don’t activate as a result of it’s two hours. I don’t need to be in entrance of my TV for 2 hours, I need to be in entrance of the TV for one hour 5 occasions.

Fey: I believe the rule is, if their faux enamel look actual, that’s a film. And if their actual enamel look faux, that’s TV.

Poehler: If the British actors are enjoying British individuals, it’s TV; in the event that they’re enjoying People, it’s a film.

Fey: If you happen to’re like, Mario Lopez is surprisingly good on this, that’s TV.

Poehler: And if it stars Matthew McConaughey as a poetic drifter, it’s a automobile industrial.

Fey: We watch TV and films in another way. Like in motion pictures, it’s known as human trafficking, however on TV, it’s known as “90-Day Fiancé.”

Poehler: And if it’s a play that has been was a film, however you watch it on a TV, it’s known as the Plovie, and there are at the least 4 of them nominated tonight.

Fey: Ah, congratulations to all of the Plovies. So, let’s see what these European weirdos nominated this 12 months. “Nomadland” is a film the place Frances McDormand performs a woman who travels throughout the desert in her van and poops in a bucket. And my youngsters had been like, “Might we do this for spring break? Might we do something?”

Poehler: “Mank” is brief for Mankiewicz, the identify of the screenwriter of “Citizen Kane.” And that’s the solely factor they shortened.

Fey: “The Queen’s Gambit” is no matter James Corden was as much as in “The Promenade,” I assume. “The Promenade” got here out on the good time as a result of this 12 months so many youngsters didn’t get to go to their promenade, so they might watch James Corden and Meryl Streep go to it as an alternative, and that’s nonetheless enjoyable, proper guys?

Poehler: “The Trial of the Chicago 7” I believe is the most effective of all of the “Trial of Chicago” motion pictures, but it surely’s nonetheless not so good as “Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow.” Who’s with me?

Fey: The factor I really like about Aaron Sorkin’s writing is he can have seven males speaking but it surely appears like 100 males speaking.

Poehler: Yeah. “The Undoing” was a horny and dramatic thriller the place Nicole Kidman’s coat is suspected of murdering her wig.

Fey: “Soul” is an exquisite Pixar animated film the place a middle-aged Black man’s soul by chance will get knocked out of his physique and right into a cat. The H.F.P.A. actually responded to this film as a result of they do have 5 cat members.

Poehler: “Regular Individuals” is an emotional present about two younger lovers in Eire and is finest seen in mattress along with your sizzling laptop computer proper in your crotch.

Fey: “One Night time in Miami” is a fictionalized model of a gathering that happened between Malcolm X, Cassius Clay, Sam Cooke and Jim Brown, the place I assume the subject of debate was, how the hell can we get out of Florida?

Poehler: Talking of “One Night time in Miami,” there are nice administrators nominated tonight. Regina King for “One Night time in Miami,” Chloé Zhao for “Nomadland,” Emerald Fennell for “Promising Younger Lady” and two different individuals, however we’re out of time.

Fey: “Emily in Paris” is nominated for finest TV sequence, musical or comedy, and I, for one, can’t wait to seek out out which it’s. “French Exit” is what I did after watching the primary episode of “Emily in Paris.”

Poehler: Maria Bakalova from “Borat” is a nominee tonight, which is big for the Bulgarian group. Jim Parsons and Kaley Cuoco are nominees tonight, which is big for the bazinga group.

Fey: What else? Oh, Sia’s controversial movie “Music” is nominated for finest worldwide flopperooni. I don’t need to get into it, guys, but it surely’s actual problematic. And Twitter is saying it’s probably the most offensive casting since Kate Hudson was the Weight Watchers spokesperson.

Poehler: Oh wait, you realize, that is most likely one thing we must always have informed you guys earlier. All people is understandably upset on the H.F.P.A. and their decisions. Look, a whole lot of flashy rubbish bought nominated, however that occurs, OK? That’s like their factor. However quite a lot of Black actors and Black-led tasks had been missed.

Fey: Look, everyone knows that award exhibits are silly.

Poehler: They’re all a rip-off, invented by Large Crimson Carpet.

Fey: To promote extra carpet.

Poehler: We all know that.

Fey: The purpose is, even with silly issues, inclusivity is essential. And there aren’t any Black members of the Hollywood Overseas Press. I understand, H.F.P.A., perhaps you guys didn’t get the memo as a result of your office is the again sales space of a French McDonald’s, however you bought to vary that. So right here’s to altering it.

Poehler: Sure, and looking out ahead to that change. We do have some excellent news: We’re elevating cash tonight, donating $2 million to Feeding America’s Covid-19 response fund, and that’s superior.

Fey: Right here we go, guys. Are you prepared? Might this entire evening have been an electronic mail? Sure.

Nancy Coleman contributed reporting.



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